Lost, broken & hurt. 

There are many things we face in life, some amazing moments we wish would last forever and others we wished we never had to go through. When it comes to the bad moments when we go through trail and error and the outcome is not what we wanted we become understandably upset but what we gain from that is far greater than the pain. I fell in love hard and fearlessly with someone we had an amazing year but that came to a tragic end. We always had ups and downs it was like being on a roller coaster both good and bad, good in the sense that is was exciting, left me breathless and an adventure. Bad because it was always a lot, never any stability, going in circles, and the feeling that it would end just as fearlessly and fursiously as it all started. I wasn’t wrong and when it did, my heart sank and not only did it sink but it was ripped out of my chest and trampeled, there is a huge gapping hole in my chest and I fear that with never be filled again.

What do you do when the person you love walks out the door? What do you do when they truly revile themselves? What do you do when the person you who have given everything and anything to, the one you thought would always be there and you would be able to count on is gone. I feel dead inside as it was happening all I knew is that it was a permanent life change. All of our memories, everything we shared was shattered every moment together I started to question all of the happiness and time we spent at each others side. As well as his intentions and his love because I could never just walk away. When it happened I remember just standing there forgetting where I was listening to what he had to say but I couldn’t make out the words and being ready to run and run in the opposite direction. Back in time to who we were and what we were. That wasn’t enough how would I be able to see him and not sob uncontrollably how can I find my strength, how can I be alone. I have to learn that once again what it is like to be alone fully and completely alone. Without him by my side, I wasn’t prepared for this to end before it’s true beginning. We all go through heartbreaks we all feel that pain at some point. But the truth is every time before I knew it was coming I could feel it. Every time I knew my time with that person was done our time together was coming to an end. This time it wasn’t like that at all, this time it came from nowhere and this time it killed my soul.

In all honesty this pain is far greater than anything I have ever felt in my life. This pain surpasses any relationship I have ever been in before. I think that it’s because this pain is multifaceted it is one where I lost my best friend, I realized he wasn’t the person I fell in love with, I lost my heart, I lost my soul I feel empty and defeated….. I’m truly broken.

However the sun rise again I will get up and find my soul once again. I am shedding tears as I write this but I know that this is only the beginning the beginning that I didn’t even know I needed or wanted. This is life’s way of saying that there is something in store much greater than what I had for myself. Yes I am all of these girls running, lost and scarred I am also the girl walking further into the ocean into oblivion but only to resurface as a stronger, happier version of who I am now and was with him. Sometimes you have to be broken to rise again and know your strength, sometimes you have to put yourself back together to know you are brave. Because I am braver than I believe, stronger than I seem and smarter than I think. So when my sun rises I will see my new path and when my sun sets and the stars illuminate my night and will give me the wisdom and courage to move on and be open to life and love. I loved and I lost but I rather have done that than wondered or played it safe and lose an amazing expirience. I loved without reservations, I gave all that I had, I was selfless, I gave myself completely to him. Regardless of it not working with him. Whe the right person in the right timing comes into my lie it will be worth it because what I can truly take away from is this is that I know how to love. I read sometime ago in our lives we have three loves one our inexperienced young naive love where generally you hurt one another not out of malice but because you are learning to love and most and often time that love ends because this love is idealistic the fairytale of loves. Our second love is our hard love it teaches us a few lessons who we are, what we want and how we need to be loved. Most times this second love is unhealthy, unbalanced and even narcissistic. Then comes our third love it’s the love we never see coming, the love that makes you realize why it never worked or could have worked with anyone else. It’s the one that destroys ideals, the one that comes dressed wrong but feels right.

I have had the young naive love and it was a long time before I truly loved again and got to my second tragic love. In time my third love will find me when and where I least expect it and when it does I will be ready I’m not afraid of heartache, I’m healing for what is to come.

 

Be patient, true, honest, loyal and kind,

~Seattle Girl

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Unexpected Love

Isn’t it funny how we fall in love? There was a time when my focus was on physical attraction rather than who the person really was. To say the least that did not work out well for me. And after a terrible breakup I decided that I was going to focus on myself. After that relationship I had lost myself, in the sense that I did not know who I was. I felt broken and I did not know how to pick up the pieces that were left over and put myself back together. So I started by realizing that I needed to find myself, who I was, what my beliefs are, define my goals, and also I needed stability. I needed all of these factors to have the capability to be candid and get down and fully know what I want and need. Slowly but surely I started to get my life back on track. I became independent, I found what I loved and decided on my career, I found the capability to be myself, I stopped caring about how others perceive me because in the end all that matters is how you feel about yourself. And if I am happy with my life and how I live it regardless of the judgments my metamorphosis to finding myself was complete. In every aspect of my life I became satisfied except for dating that is and has been difficult. I am tainted from the bad breakup but I would like to emphasize that I use the word tainted very loosely. After the breakup I decided that there are certain things that I need from a relationship and I also decided that I wasn’t going to go out and specifically look for someone to date. I trust that it will happen in the right timing. I recently met someone and  he honestly took me by surprise, the second I met him I knew he would play an important role in my life I didn’t exactly know why I just had a feeling. As I have spent time with him and I gotten to know him I started to really care for him. He is extremely intelligent, he turns a normal conversation into an intellectual discussion and I love that about him. He is funny and dorky, he makes me laugh all of the time. He is the most kind and genuine person I have ever met. He is observant he knows when something is wrong without me having to say a single word. He makes me feel safe and protected. He is easy to talk to and open up to its never hard with him it is easy. He gives the best advice and he is the best keeper of secrets I have ever met. I am completely myself with him. He is everything I have ever thought I wanted and more. He is everything and he is standing before me I feel blessed, scared, excited, and hopeful all at the same time. He brings out the best of me he makes me want to be the best version of me that I can ever be. All of a sudden I found myself falling for this man and I had no idea I was falling for him. It happened slowly and then all at once there is and was no stopping it. how is it possible that I was able to find him?? I fell in love with him and he doesn’t know it yet……. I know that the possibility that he doesn’t feel the same way is there but even if this is never more than this I will just be thankful I have gotten the opportunity to love purely. I have gotten see what true love is for true feelings to arise based on loving who the person is. I rather love and lose then never having experienced this love at all. I am anxious and excited to see where this love will go what will happen between him and I, but rather focusing on what will happen in the future I am focusing on every second I have with him. Treating every moment like the last I am enjoying this time with him. I am enjoying loving him. What I have learned through this whole journey of finding myself is that loving yourself and treating yourself with respect will surround you with others who do the same. Just like him he is always there always willing to listen always willing to be there. I found love where and when least I expected it. If he and I are never more than friends so be it that is what life had in store for us. He will always be the man who taught me what love is and how to love unknowingly. He is the final piece of my metamorphosis. Even if he is not my forever I now know what love looks, and feels like because of him. There are many types of love in life but never two loves are the same. He is and always will be my favorite love regardless of what happens.

Never be afraid of love,

~ Seattle Girl

MY 21ST BIRTHDAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

21_birthdayI JUST TURNED 21!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! OK so first I want to say it’s been so long since I have written anything, I have just been focusing on myself lately but….. I finally have something worth sharing so here I go. My birthday was June 11th so yesterday and turning 21 is a big deal when you turn 18 you are no longer a minor for a lot of things but turning 21 gives you all sorts of new freedoms and no restrictions just freedom. Well even with freedoms and such there is always things that you stop and think about like accomplishments and what you want to do with your life. Not including a career but little things you wants to accomplish a bucket-list of sorts in a way. Also you start to realize that not only you are aging but the people around you are as well, the point I’m trying to make is we have to appreciate everyone around us love and tell them how much we care and really treasure the time we get to spend with them. Because they are not going to be around forever just like we won’t be. A couple of days before my birthday I watched Stand Up Guys and in the movie someone passes and Al Pacino talks about when someone you know dies it is one less person that knows your name, about your childhood, and shares your same memories. Here is another quote word for word that I really like as well also said by Al Pacino “They say we die twice. Once when the breath leaves our body, and once when the last person we know says our name.”. Which Is one of the reasons to talk about this topic. Many time we get caught up in life with work and aspirations and we don’t stop and remember our children, parents, grandparents, uncles, aunts, cousins, nieces, nephews, and friends. Within these past two years I have had two really big losses. And I have been reminded of what really matters in life. We have to make time for those whom we love, life is two short to get caught up in the superficial stuff. We have to dream and reach our goals, but also enjoy life with the people who matter the most. I don’t want my parents to pass and think I should of spent more time with them, talked to them more, shared special moments with them. And feel guilty because I never made time for them or my mi-maw or brother the memories we make are worth more the any amount of money in the world. Sit down take the time. Relax. Remember. Cherish. Live. Laugh. Love. Dream.

-SeattleGirl

ELECTION NIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Official photographic portrait of US President...
Official photographic portrait of US President Barack Obama (born 4 August 1961; assumed office 20 January 2009) (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I’m SO EXCITED about the elections tonight!!!!!!!! I am going to be in front of my tv tonight awaiting the results, if you haven’t voted VOTE!!!!! And re-elect President Obama he is what we need for a bright future!!!!! I will defiantly be posting tonight regardless of the winner even though I’m PRAYING for President Obama to win!!!!!

-Seattle Girl

Last Presidential Debate…………….Here come ELECTIONS 2012! Review and notes to take into consideration.

First off I wanted to say that my last post got feedback and some heavy criticism, that revolved around my very blunt personality and lack of neutrality well it came to voicing my opinion. I just going remind readers I plan to be completely honest and I that costs me a reader then so be it. I can’t please everyone and I started this blog to voice my opinions and feelings as they are not what people want to hear or sugarcoat it. So if you don’t like what I have to say that is ok you are entitled to your own opinion but so am I. And I’m going to voice it and stand up to defend it. It is impossible for me to please everyone because not everyone is going to think the way I do. With that said I’m going to talk about the LAST debate before the ELECTIONS and the choice we are faced with even though I made up my mind a LONG time ago.

With all of the information below I think it is more than obvious who the right choice is. If you are patriotic and you love this country vote for President Obama. If you want to go back to the risky, irresponsible Bush administration vote for Romney and destroy everything President Obama has accomplished as well as destroy this nation. It’s your choice do not vote Republican because that’s what you are registered or Democratic for that matter. Voters have the responsibility to vote for the best candidate do so, by putting everything on the side but doing what is best for our future. For young adults that means being able to afford a quality college education. For middle aged adults this means a stable job, being able to afford or help your child pay for a college education, and the ability to save for your retirement. For the elderly this means security that you will be able to have Medicaid and retirement. For women this means being able to decide what do to with our body only women know how we feel and why we make the choices we do as well as good health care without being turned down for preexisting conditions or more expensive because we are women we have rights to and President ABM is the one who has defended our rights. For veteran’s it means being able to find a job and the ability to afford a house when risking your life for this country is more than fair and President Obama has reached out and accomplished both of those things on the list. For the middle class it means having a chance without having the more fortunate step over us because we do not have their kind of money. Or have a President that says it is our fault for not being on the upper class and it is our job to get out of it without any help even if we really need it. President Obama helps those in need to get on their feet and stay there without tumbling back down. President Obama understands this so why question a man who has integrity who is compassionate and wants to better our future. Vote to have a bright future one that is stable and not shaky as the Bush administration was was. Do not let appearances fool you Romney does not understand the majority of the population nor does he care about us so why vote for someone who does not care about our needs to lead the country in which we live in. PLEASE RESEARCH do not vote just vote not caring what or who you vote for. Make the RIGHT and RESPONSIBLE decision. take the time to READ the information below do not just let this take you blindsided.Taking everything into consideration and taking my point of view as much out of the way as possible basing it on facts and with what was said during the debates lets take a look at each candidate. With some of the most important topics.

PRESIDENT OBAMA

  • President Obama has a long-term economic plan to invest in education, small businesses, clean energy, infrastructure, and tax cuts for companies that bring jobs back to the U.S.
  • Under President Obama, we’ve seen 31 straight months of job growth, adding 5.2 million private sector jobs, including nearly 500,000 manufacturing jobs – the most growth since 1997
  • Cut taxes by $3,600 for the typical middle class family making $50,000 a year over his first term – find out how his plan impacts your taxes
  • “All of the above” strategy to develop every available source of American made energy—including oil, gas, clean coal, wind, solar, biofuels, nuclear – and taking steps to protect our climate
  • Set a goal to cut tuition growth in half over the next decade with a plan to double campus based student aid and incentives for schools that are successful at keeping tuition growth down
  • Responsibly ended the war in Iraq , is bringing our troops home from Afghanistan, and will use half the savings to reduce the deficit and the rest to engage in nation-building here at home
  • 100 million Americans saw lifetime caps on coverage lifted, so that families have the security of knowing that their insurance will cover them when they need it most
  • Believes a woman’s health care choices are personal decisions, best made with her doctor—without interference from politicians
  • Improved Medicare by adding free preventive care, closing the “doughnut hole” saving seniors an average of $600 last year, and extended the life of Medicare by 8 years by eliminating $716 billion in waste, fraud, and abuse
  • Is lifting the shadow of deportation from young, hardworking immigrants who were brought here as children, and is committed to comprehensive immigration reform

ROMNEY

  • Mitt Romney’s plan would add $5 trillion in tax cuts skewed to the rich, either increasing the deficit or requiring tax increases on the middle-class
  • Mitt Romney wants to return to the failed top-down policies that crashed the economy
  • Could require raising taxes on middle class families with kids by $2000 to pay for tax cuts for the wealthy
  • Let Big Oil advisers and donors write a drilling-centered energy policy for America,  that will never reach energy independence, excluding any plan for energy efficiency and stripping funding for clean energy
  • As governor, Romney made deep cuts to higher education – by the end of his term, college costs had skyrocketed, with fees at state colleges and universities increasing 63%
  • Mitt Romney criticized the end of the Iraq war as “tragic,” and has offered no plan withdraw our troops from Afghanistan
  • Go back to the days when more than half of all insurance plans included lifetime limits on the care they would cover
  • Give employers and government the authority to limit women’s access to common forms of birth control
  • Would end Medicare as we know it, eliminating guaranteed benefits and turning Medicare into a voucher program — which could increase costs for seniors more than $6,000 each year by shifting costs to seniors
  • Pledged to veto the DREAM Act, and refuse help for many immigrants who came here as children

And there is so much more like on education Romney wants to get RID of PELL GRANTS!!!!!!!!!!! Here is some more information on education.

EDUCATION

Rewarding responsible students

PRESIDENT OBAMA

President Obama successfully fought to prevent federal student loan interest rates from doubling for more than 7 million students, and capped federal student loan repayments at 10% of income. This means responsible students and their families can make decisions about the future based on career goals rather than the price of tuition.

ROMNEY

Mitt Romney would roll back President Obama’s student loan reform—reforms that have saved over $60 billion and allowed investments in Pell Grants, community colleges, and deficit reduction. He said that students who were unable to afford college or start a business should just “borrow money from your parents.” Compare the plans

Keeping good teachers in the classroom

PRESIDENT OBAMA

President Obama knows that a good teacher can change a student’s life—that’s why he’s supported the jobs of thousands of educators and is calling for incentives to keep the best ones in the classroom.

ROMNEY

Mitt Romney opposes efforts to reduce class sizes, and says that we should “cut back” on teachers.

Using local solutions to improve schools

PRESIDENT OBAMA

President Obama understands that education is not a top- down, one-size-fits-all issue—that’s why he has given states the flexibility to create their own ambitious plans for reform, relieving them of restrictive No Child Left Behind mandates.

ROMNEY

Mitt Romney would abandon the bipartisan national commitment to turn around failing schools.

Providing pathways to good jobs

PRESIDENT OBAMA

President Obama is investing in community colleges to provide education and career-training programs, ensuring that everyone who works hard can get ahead.

ROMNEY

In his first year as governor, Mitt Romney cut funding for community colleges in Massachusetts by 17%. By 2006, tuition in Massachusetts was 59% higher than the national average.

Partnering with states to raise standards

PRESIDENT OBAMA

President Obama implemented the Race to the Top initiative, which has already helped spur 46 states to raise standards by rewarding innovation and positive reforms in local schools.

ROMNEY

Mitt Romney plans to expand private-school vouchers, which have been tried and studied for decades but fail to raise student achievement.

Ensuring a good future for our veterans

PRESIDENT OBAMA

President Obama is committed to ensuring that veterans and service members can get a college education and find work when they return from service—that’s why he implemented and expanded the post-9/11 G.I. Bill, which has helped more than 800,000 veterans and their families pursue an education.

ROMNEY

Mitt Romney would slash domestic investments so drastically that, if cuts are applied across the board, funding for Veterans Affairs would have to be cut by 19%, or $11 billion a year.

WOMANS RIGHTS

And another thing that is very important to me is Women’s Rights, obviously as a Woman this is extremly important to me.

PRESIDENT OBAMA

President Obama signed the Lilly Ledbetter Fair Pay Act to help women fight back against pay discrimination. He understands that when women are paid less than men for the same work, it hurts the entire family.

ROMNEY

Mitt Romney refused to say whether or not he would have signed the Lilly Ledbetter Fair Pay Act into law, and Paul Ryan voted against it.

Ending health insurance discrimination

PRESIDENT OBAMA
President Obama is putting an end to the health insurance company practice of charging women more than men for the same coverage.
ROMNEY
Mitt Romney would let employers, insurance companies, and politicians limit women’s health choices.Women’s health and birth control
PRESIDENT OBAMA
Thanks to Obamacare, many insurance plans are beginning to fully cover birth control without co-pays or deductibles as part of women’s preventive care—potentially saving women hundreds of dollars every year.ROMNEY
Mitt Romney would repeal Obamacare, and give employers the authority to limit women’s access to common forms of birth control.Protecting women’s rights

PRESIDENT OBAMA

President Obama believes a woman’s health care choices are personal decisions, best made with her doctor—without interference from politicians.

ROMNEY

Mitt Romney believes that Roe v. Wade should be overturned, and backed an extreme proposal to outlaw abortions even in the case of incest and rape.

Expanding access to health care

PRESIDENT OBAMA

President Obama fought back against Republican attempts to defund Planned Parenthood, one of the largest providers of women’s health services, including breast and cervical cancer screenings, and birth control. Under Obamacare, health insurance companies now cover recommended preventive care like mammograms and cancer screenings, and are beginning to cover birth control without co-pays or deductibles.

ROMNEY

Mitt Romney would eliminate all federal funding for Planned Parenthood, and roll back all the benefits of health reform.

Now you know the facts, make the right choice and vote for the person who will help us improve as a nation not worsen.

GO VOTE EVERY SINGLE VOTE COUNTS HAVE YOUR VOICE HEARD!!!

-Seattle Girl

Presidential Debates

Ok so I know I promised to cover the Presidential debates…… and I am going to see that through. I haven’t posted anything about the first one simply because I could not believe what happened during the first debate, every thing that I perceived Romney to be has been confirmed not only with the first but also tonight’s debate. What I love about President Obama is the CONSISTENCY he has within his opinions and views on topics ALWAYS remaining the same. It is also what I DESPISE about Romney he is like double stick or as I grew up calling it hypocrite tape why because its double sided, he changes his mind or tries to appeal to people’s better nature like I change my top in morning (a million times). I absolutely HATE that about Romney he did the same thing when he ran against Kennedy for governor years ago and he is doing it again. I’m sorry but I like to be up front about my beliefs. His views are so twisted and distorted I can guarantee he is not even sure what he believes!!!!!!! One the other hand President Obama stands up for his beliefs regardless of the criticism that will come with it. When I began writing about politics I told myself I’m not going to tell my blog who I am planning to vote for, but I think I should even though by now its probably very obvious. I’m voting for PRESIDENT OBAMA all the way! Even though I tried to see what Romney has to offer his plans are completely full fantasies I’m sorry Romney but the clouds are not made of cotton candy nor are the meadows full of lollipops and candy canes. With your drastic impossible and completely unrealistic plans, you kissed my vote goodbye. So yes President Obama you have my vote and all of those whom I know we don’t want some unrealistic noob to come in and ruin everything you have fixed. RE-ELECT PRESIDENT OBAMA!!!!! Otherwise only lord knows what will happen….. and I don’t want to find out!

VOTE!
-Seattle Girl

What does being Christian even mean?!

I’ve thinking of writing this piece for a really long time, many people when they hear Christian think one of two things, 1 holy cow here comes a stuck up bible preaching person who is going to try to convert me and thinks they are better than I am or 2 I hope they are not LDS. I wasn’t raised Christian but raised Catholic, I converted because I felt more connected to God‘s word. Although I came to find there was many things I dislike, for starters was as Christians everyone preaches being inclusive………….. yeah that never happened. It was so cliquish worse than my high school really, I also really struggled with the comments and advice given to me. For example I was asked a leader for advice about a friend asking me questions, and I didn’t want to bible bash them I just wanted an educated answer to help clear up their doubts. The leader that I spoke to said well continue to lead them towards Christianity and commented on how great would it be to be able to say that as young as I was at the time (17) get the opportunity to convert someone from the LDS religion to Christianity and what great accomplishment it would be and really show how much I loved God…………… I was shocked and completely disgusted! That was the last thing I wanted to hear. I felt used and like people wanted to turn me into the bible bashing people I dispise!!!! ??? Even though I do believe in God, bible, and the Gospel I’m not conservative at all! (I guess you are reading this asking yourself if you are not conservative why did you become Christian well for that I have to give you some back round information here is some of my story if you are interested Life’s sometimes VERY hard lessons. if you have any question email me or comment and I’ll get back to you (: )

The first Sunday mass I attended was as if it was written for me. I felt so much at peace and happiness which is why I decided to study Christianity and ultimately converted. What I don’t like is what Christianity has become……. I always heard its not a religion, its a faith religion is based on lies and driven to keep people from gods true word and ultimately salvation. Well if that is so lets look at God. God is love and accepting of everyone he knows no hate he sent his one and only son to die for us to give us eternal life because we are sinful by nature. If that is so why are so many “Christians” quick to judge others! Many times even degrading towards different people. Many Christians use the phrase when in doubt of what you should do ask yourself what would Jesus do……. Well lets break that down who is Jesus? Jesus is God’s son sent to die on the cross for our sin, a man who in the bible gave women and children respect they did not possess. So knowing that lets look at those Christians giving negative connotation to Christianity those who are judgemental and unaccepting and are only really christian on facebook or pretending then turning around being anything but christian.

CHRISTIAN by definition is someone whom believes in Christ so that is my foundation. If I believe in Christ I obviously believe in his word, so yes I do trust in the bible and everything in it to be true. We must also recognize that the bible is the most commonly misinterpreted book, so just because you are reading it it does not mean you should take it out of context and use it to your convenience. With that said if we want to really be Christians or follow Christ then maybe we should start be reflecting it with our actions. Love on everyone and not judge anyone based on race, religion, sexual orientation ect. But instead truly love on them and accept them for who they are and not try to change their beliefs but accept them to each his own.

Here are my beliefs I believe in god, Jesus, and the bible. I also believe everyone should be free to love anyone they choose to love no exceptions. I believe in health of the mind, body, and spirit. And lastly if what you believe and the life choices you make makes you happy then do as you please. I know first hand that people are more positive when I’m asked about my faith because they see I do not judge and never say they are wrong in what they believe. But instead accepting that’s who God and Jesus are unfailing, accepting, understanding love and that’s what I plan to give. That will make this world a much better place, I know I can’t change the world. But at the same time if I can make a difference in at least one person’s life then living this way is more than worth it. And I will truly be living through my faith. Love others don’t judge them think about it………………… if the roles were switched, would you like that person looking at you or saying the things you are saying or looking at them with hateful judgement?

-Seattle Girl

Any comments, concerns, or questions please leave a comment or email me @ seattle_girl07@yahoo.com